My husband spent the night with a woman in a hotel. He's been drilling me about my Google timeline now accusing me of sleeping around. Am I wrong to want this to work? He slept with her, right?

My husband spent the night with a woman in a hotel. He’s been drilling me about my Google timeline now accusing me of sleeping around. Am I wrong to want this to work? He slept with her, right?

Peoples Answers

Raum Bances

You are not wrong to want your marriage to work. But you might have to face the very real possibility that it will not.

If you know for a fact that your husband cheated on you, the relationship has degraded to a very severe point. Either he no longer cares how his actions impact you or he feels he was slighted, ignored or otherwise not getting something out of the marriage that he believes he is entitled to. Cheaters will justify their actions by blaming something else wrong in the relationship driving them to do so. This is of course just an excuse but if you can not correct what he decided was wrong, you do not have a chance at recovering the marriage to a degree where you would still be happy. If he did this out of revenge for what he think you did, he is a very spiteful person and acted out of selfishness.

In order for you two to stay together, you both have to want to stay together. You also have to reaffirm the conditions and boundaries of the relationship. If he can not agree to NEVER do that again, you will be at an impasse. If he agrees but you no longer trust him, you are at an impasse.

So first decide for yourself if you can forgive him for sleeping with this woman. If you can not, the rest wouldn’t matter anyway. Next, find out what this woman actually means to him. Is she a hooker and he just wanted sex, is she a casual partner who was looking for no strings attached sex with a married man or a co worker he has grown very fond of. If she means more to him than you do, you do not want to take him back even if he wants to keep the marriage whole because he will just continue to share his intimacy with someone else while expecting you to continue to help him maintain the household and family.

It is your life and your decision but I highly recommend you end the marriage if you can not come to an arrangement where you would actually be happy if you stay together. It isn’t worth it. I’ve been divorced a couple of times now. Staying in a shitty relationship will only drive you to depression.

Good luck whatever the outcome.

Dom Darius

His accusations are a result of his feelings of guilt.

It sounds like you’re willing to move forward and forgive this indiscretion, which says a lot about who you are and what you feel for this man – I applaud you.

Of course you’re not wrong to want this to work – and there are a lot of different ways you could go about this.

Sleeping with other people isn’t inherently wrong – it only becomes wrong when there was an agreement NOT to sleep with other people. Did you have this discussion, or like so many, did you just assume that you were both on the same page?

Are you both sure you want a monogamous relationship, or are you clinging to ideals which many are finding don’t suit them in the modern world.

Have you considered other relationship models like an “open” relationship, or polyamory? Would you be more fulfilled in a relationship where you invited playmates to spend time with you both together, or do you need to be able to see other people independently of one another?

There are a hundred questions you need to think about and discuss with your partner – and that is the only critical thing you need to keep in mind. Without communication, your relationship is as good as over already – so TALK to one another. You certainly have plenty to talk about!

John Williams says

Wow, I guess I’ll be one of the only husbands on here to tell you that under no circumstance should you allow your husband, and I heavily stress YOUR, to screw another woman!!! He married you and should take the vows he made to you seriously!! Threesomes never work, and if you allow him to be with another women, you will wake up one morning in an empty bed without your husband. I suggest you sit him down and express to him your feelings about why this will not happen. If he tells you he still want to screw another women, then tell him he will have to do it as a single man because you are going to divorce him. Marriage is a sacred thing that is reserved for two people that love one another and I’m sorry to say this, but I question his love for you if he is willing to brake the sanctity of marriage. I will say this, even if he agrees to not bring another woman into your life, I would watch out for an affair because it sounds like he is hell bent on cheating.

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