“I’ll be quick!” she promised, throwing on a comfy dress, pulling her hair back in a messy ponytail (because hello, newborn!), and plastering on a smile, the kind that doesn’t quite reach your eyes but you hope does the trick.
Fast forward to later that night, and that smile was nowhere to be found. Instead, there were tear tracks and a trembling voice. Turns out, some middle-aged punk named Mark at the bank decided to unload on my wife.
Sarah told me this jerk looked at her ID, then right at her (looking a little more “mom” than her pre-baby pic, which, duh!), and smirked, loud enough for the ENTIRE freaking bank to hear, saying:
“Wow, this must be an old photo. Motherhood’s been… DIFFERENT for you, huh?”
“I was MORTIFIED, Ed,” Sarah choked out, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Like, completely destroyed. All I wanted to do was vanish. But I forced myself to finish the transaction, holding Lily close like a shield. As soon as I could, I practically ran out of that bank, just wanting to get us both as far away from that jerk as possible.”
My blood went from lukewarm to lava in about two seconds. Who says that to someone, especially a new mom who’s already dealing with a million things?
I was LIVID. Sarah, my beautiful, strong Sarah, had been broken by a stranger’s cruelty. How dare someone be so heartless?
There was no way I was letting this slide. Sarah deserved better, and this bank, this place that allowed such behavior, needed an unforgettable lesson.
But storming in, fists flying, wouldn’t solve anything. I needed a plan, something calculated and effective. Something that would hit them where it hurts, you know?
A few days later, I snagged a sick day and marched into the bank, revenge simmering in my gut. I clutched a briefcase and scanned the room.
There he was, behind the counter, a middle-aged man with slicked-back black hair and a bored expression tapping away at his computer. A name tag proudly displaying the most punchable name in existence: “MARK.”
This was it. Show time.
“Hello,” I approached him, extending a firm hand. “I’m considering transferring a significant amount of money here, but I need to be confident my funds are in trustworthy hands.”
Mark’s gaze flickered to the briefcase, then back to me. His bored expression morphed into something akin to excitement.
“Absolutely, sir,” he said, his voice dripping with false sincerity. “We’d be happy to assist you. How much are we talking about?”
I placed the briefcase on the counter, opened it slightly to reveal stacks of cash, and then closed it again.
“A considerable amount,” I replied, pausing for effect before adding, “enough to make a significant impact. Five million… in solid cash! But before we proceed, I need to speak with your manager.”
I could literally see dollars popping out of Mark’s eyes. He scurried to fetch Mr. Reynolds, the bank manager.
Mr. Reynolds, a portly man with a receding hairline, approached with a practiced smile that faltered slightly at the sight of the briefcase.
“Good afternoon, sir,” he greeted. “How can we assist you today?”
I cleared my throat. “As I was saying,” I began, “I’m interested in opening a new account, but customer service is paramount to me.”
Mr. Reynolds puffed out his chest. “Of course, sir. We pride ourselves on excellent customer service and treating everyone fairly.”
I nodded, my gaze flickering to Mark, who was now studiously avoiding eye contact.
“That’s good to hear,” I said, my voice dropping a notch. “Because my wife visited this very bank a few days ago and was subjected to a rather UNPLEASANT experience.”