A 56-year-old woman took to Reddit to find out if she was being unreasonable for refusing to raise her daughter’s child. She explained that her daughter was angry because she had told her she would not help in any way.
The story of a 56-year-old mother, her 33-year-old daughter Kelly, and her 16-year-old granddaughter Opal, weaves a complex picture of expectations and responsibilities put on the woman by her daughter, who thought her mother would raise all her children.
Kelly’s journey into motherhood began at sixteen. Her mother and father told her that she had the choice on whether or not she would give birth to and keep the baby. Opting to keep her baby, Kelly leaned heavily on her parents’ support, a decision that shaped the next decades of their lives.
When Kelly turned 17, her daughter was born and her parents helped wherever possible. Despite their support, Kelly’s participation in her daughter Opal’s upbringing was minimal, often relegating her responsibilities to her parents while she pursued other interests.
The grandmother shared that even if she and her husband asked Kelly to watch Opal for an hour, Kelly considered it a problem. The grandmother revealed that Kelly did not understand why she had to be there to care for her own daughter.
When Kelly graduated high school, she decided not to go to college and instead settled on a job with a flexible schedule. However, even with pliable working hours, Kelly was not keen to care for her daughter. The grandmother revealed that the only time Kelly was home was to sleep or get ready for a party.
Apart from not neglecting her mommy duties, Kelly expected her parents to buy Opal’s essentials and book appointments for her. When Kelly’s parents told her she needed to step up as Opal’s mother, she made empty promises to them about how she would do better.
By the time Opal had turned six, Kelly moved out, leaving her daughter in the loving care of her parents, who raised her as their own. The grandmother revealed that she was doing well at school and had wonderful friends. When Opal’s school year ended, her grandparents organized a dinner to celebrate her successful academic year with Kelly and other family members.
Kelly, now 33, announced her second pregnancy during this family gathering meant to celebrate Opal’s academic achievements. The timing and setting of the announcement, combined with Kelly’s history of hands-off parenting, sparked a heated exchange between her and her parents.
Kelly assumed that her parents would also raise this child as she and her boyfriend had too much on their plate to raise the child. Kelly’s parents declared their unwillingness to assume the primary caregiving role for the new baby as they felt they were now too old to meet the demanding needs of a newborn.
The decision sparked a rift in the family, with some people siding with Kelly and others siding with her parents. Kelly deemed her parents “heartless” and said they were casting their grandchild aside even though they had already raised one of her children. Some family members felt Kelly’s parents should not have told her off in front of everyone, and should have instead taken her aside later on.
Kelly’s parents’ reaction was framed by years of experience and the desire to see Kelly assume full responsibility for her actions and her children. This confrontation was not merely about a new baby; it was a culmination of years of frustration with Kelly not meeting her daughter’s needs.
In the aftermath, the grandparents took steps to reassure Opal of her place in their hearts, mindful of the impact the confrontation might have on her. The grandmother revealed that they were taking her on a shopping trip to make up for the ruined dinner. They remain committed to supporting Opal’s dreams and well-being, contrasting sharply with the prospective care demands of a newborn.
The grandmother also revealed that Opal had a therapist that she could talk to anytime, but assured readers that she had not felt the need to see him in over a month. She also shared that she did not understand how her daughter thought that she and her husband, now in their sixties, would be able to raise another child. Many readers agreed that she had done the right thing and said Kelly should take responsibility.
Do you think Kelly’s mother was right to tell her that she had to raise her own child in front of the whole family? What would you do if you were in this position.
